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Reclaiming Your Story: Building a Self Beyond the Watchful Gaze

14/9/2025

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The Weight of Being Seen
If you're reading this, you might know the exhausting experience of living under what feels like constant surveillance—not necessarily from cameras or authorities, but from an internalised sense that you're always being evaluated, measured, and found lacking. This invisible jury follows you everywhere, whispering about what you should be doing, how you should look, what counts as acceptable.
For those carrying complex trauma, this feeling runs deeper than social anxiety. It's woven into the very fabric of how we learned to survive. We became experts at reading rooms, anticipating reactions, shape-shifting to meet others' expectations—all while losing touch with what we actually wanted, needed, or valued.
The philosopher Michel Foucault wrote about how power structures don't just control us through force, but by making us feel constantly observed and judged. When trauma happens early and repeatedly, especially in relationships that were supposed to be safe, we internalise this surveillance system. We become our own prison guards, our own harsh critics.
But; You can learn to step outside this panopticon. You can build a sense of self that isn't dependent on external validation or approval.

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The Scapegoat Role in Families and Groups: Why One Person Gets the Blame

30/8/2025

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​In families, workplaces, or social groups, one individual is often unfairly singled out as the scapegoat. The scapegoat role involves being blamed for the mistakes or problems of the group, while others avoid accountability and maintain a false sense of order.
This dynamic is more than simple conflict. It involves emotional abuse, projection, and gaslighting, leaving the scapegoat carrying shame, hurt, and a distorted self-image. Understanding the psychology of scapegoating is an important step towards healing and breaking the cycle.

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How to choose a therapist in Sydney

2/4/2023

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In Australia, there are differences in the qualifications, training, and scope of practice between psychotherapists, counsellors, psychiatrists, psychologists, and clinical psychologists. Here's a brief explanation of the differences:

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The Neuropsychology of how people are reacting to the coronavirus Covid-19

8/4/2020

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There are so many things that are confusing about the behaviour of people during the coronavirus period. People are acting in ways that others don't understand, or are critical of. There seems to be no logic or explanation for their behaviour. In fact, you may be struggling to remain logical yourself, and find yourself being driven by emotions of rage, fear, or are just shutting down from it all. Here's what's going on.

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What is shame?

24/3/2018

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Shame is present to a certain extent in most of our lives. It's an integral part of being human, of being social entities striving to belong to the group. If our behaviour steps outside of what we think the group wants us to think, see, or feel, then our automatic reaction is shame. In most cases, we learn from these experiences, talk about them with other people, and move on with our lives having learnt a lesson. But there are certain situations that cause shame to bury deep out of sight, affecting how we think about ourselves, and how we live in the world.

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Anger - Understanding and Overcoming

24/6/2017

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"Anger comes fast, often unanticipated and always unwelcome. It operates without logic, with no concern for consequences. It damages things, relationships, and sometimes even people. It leaves me feeling ashamed of myself. Worthless. What's worse, I'm even too weak and useless to control it." 
​Does this sound familiar?

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Tremors and Anxiety

25/3/2017

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Tremors can be a frightening component of anxiety. They are experienced by many sufferers of anxiety, who are often uncertain what the cause may be. It's useful to know that, as anxiety lessens, so too can the body begin to suffer less from this condition.

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    Author

    Chris is a Clinical Counsellor and Psychotherapist at Engage Counselling, Sydney

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