Engage Counselling
Engage With Change
  • home
  • About Engage Counselling
    • About Engage Counselling
    • Counselling for Men
  • Your First Visit
    • Your first visit
    • Common reasons to see a counsellor
    • What can I gain from seeing a counsellor?
    • Anxiety and Depression - common symptoms
    • Living a life that is different - LGBTI community
    • Counselling for Gay Men
  • contact
  • Engage With Life Blog

The Art of Self-Compassion

19/2/2014

0 Comments

 
Picture
Contemporary society seems to be in the grip of a self-confidence crisis. I so commonly hear people report that they "have no self-confidence" or "have low self-esteem."

The response of many people to societal demands to be "confident," is to rush around doing constructive, visible things that can give us a sense that we have done what a "confident" person would, or that we've been noticed by others and praised, or that we can compare ourselves to others and feel somehow better than they are. This temporary ego inflation may make us feel good for a while, but it doesn't last. We end up in a cycle of ups and downs that is not only exhausting, but emotionally damaging as well. Ultimately it makes us fundamentally unhappy.

One result of this damaging cycle are the innumerable clients who believe that they are "not good enough."

Picture
"Not good enough,
Undeserving -
Worthless:"


Have you ever thought this about yourself? It's a common and tragic experience for many people in contemporary society, caused in part by a simple desire to feel exactly the opposite.

Kristin Neff has contemplated this very dilemma for her entire career, and has come up with the simple and practical concept of self compassion.

At the basis of Neff's research into self-compassion was the need to arrive at a definition of self confidence that wasn't laced with the narcissistic or self-defeating notions so common with many understandings of self confidence. She arrived at a definition where self-compassion is self-kindness with no association with narcissism, “a self-determined way of evaluating oneself that is not dependent on particular outcomes, social approval, or feeling superior to others, and is founded on a stable and non-contingent self-evaluation.” (Neff, 2011, p. 9)

What does that really mean?

Well, for
me as a therapist, there is recognition that the underlying point of therapy is joy, and that there are actual ways and means to assist people to attain it.

For clients, using self-kindness, a sense of shared humanity, and mindfullness of one's self, can provide a way forward to experience a calmness and self acceptance that has not often been known. It can generate a new experience of self, filled with life-force: stability and strength, optimism and joy. It can successfully help to counter-balance feelings of self-criticism, depression, anxiety, and perfectionism. Self-kindness and self-compassion are vital components of the therapy I offer, and the profound impact it has on individuals is positive and encouraging.

Self compassion provides an opportunity to experience the positives of self-esteem, without the negative aspects of narcissism, judgement, negative comparisons, and inner self-worth dialogues.
It can change your life.

You can have a look at how your personal self-compassion rates at this simple online test created by Kristin Neff. I've also included a video below of
Kristin Neff explaining her theory in an excellent TED talk.

Is self-criticism a habit you're familiar with? Is self-compassion a useful concept for you? How do you practice self-kindness in your life? Share your comments below.


References:
  • Neff, K. (2011) Self-Compassion, Self-esteem, and Well-Being. Social and Personality Psychology Compass. Blackwell Publishing.
  • Neff, K., Rude, S., Kirkpatrick, K. (2006) An examination of self-compassion in relation to positive psychological functioning and personality traits. Journal of Research in Personality, Elsevier, from Science Direct.

0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Author

    Chris is a Counsellor and Psychotherapist at Engage Counselling, Sydney

    Archives

    April 2020
    March 2020
    January 2019
    December 2018
    March 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    October 2015
    August 2015
    June 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014

    RSS Feed

    Categories

    All
    Academic
    Anger
    Anxiety
    Coming Out
    Communication
    Covid 19 Coronavirus
    Covid-19 Coronavirus
    Depression
    Empathy
    Happiness
    Introvert
    LGBTQI
    Living As We Prefer
    Men
    Narrative Therapy
    Neuropsychotherapy
    Poll
    Psychology
    Psychotherapy
    PTSD
    Quantum Method
    Relationships
    Self Compassion
    Social Media
    Stress
    Suicide
    Technology
    Trauma
    Young Men

© 2014-2017 Engage Counselling (ABN 17 393 541 366) - All Rights Reserved, Worldwide
Contact: Engage@engagecounselling.com.au
Engage Counselling: Personal and professional Counselling, Coaching and Psychotherapy for men in Sydney's Inner West, Newtown, Enmore, Stanmore, Marrickville, Camperdown, Chippendale, St Peters, Erskineville, Pyrmont, Darling Harbour, Balmain, Sydney, City, Broadway, Ultimo, CBD and surrounding suburbs.