There is a moment, in fear, when you stop being the one deciding what you're doing or saying. The body has already moved. Your mouth has said things you didn't mean. Your thinking only catches up afterwards, often confused about what just happened.

Data floods into us without pause, through every sense at once: sight, sound, smell, taste, touch, and the "spidey sense," the felt sense from your body. All of it funnels up through the brain stem, the oldest part of the brain, the part we share with everything on the planet, including reptiles. Sitting in there is a small structure called the amygdala, and the simplest way to think about it is as a smoke alarm. What it does next, and why, is worth understanding properly.

My digital spaces have recently been swamped by ads and testimonials for lion's mane extract, and claims of significant benefits to those living with complex trauma. For people in that situation, some of those claims will sound particularly appealing: better memory, reduced anxiety, clearer thinking; a brain that just works better. This post is an attempt to look at it as objectively as I can.

If you're in therapy — or thinking about starting — you may have wondered why healing feels so different for different people. Why some people seem to be finding their way back to themselves, while others feel like they're building something they've never quite had. One of the reasons for this has to do with when trauma first began. Understanding this difference won't speed up your healing. But it might help you be more patient, and more compassionate, with yourself.

If your relationships often feel painful, chaotic, or unfulfilling — if you keep finding yourself in the same dynamics with different people — it may be time to look at something that runs much deeper than the choices you're making. One of the most powerful, and most often unconscious, influences on how we love and connect is our attachment style.¹ Understanding it takes courage. But it also opens a door.